A Bit of the Rage

When I hinted at not posting as much in my last post, I hadn't intended that trend to go into effect so soon, but that's the way it happened. The last week has been a bit of blur, but thankfully things have settled down, for the weekend at least.

I've been stressing pretty hard about the wedding recently, which at this point is less than a month away. We've made a lot of progress in terms of planning, but there is still a good bit to get done. More than anything, though, it has begun to dawn on me that regardless of how apathetic I may feel about having a wedding, it's nonetheless a pretty huge event.

Apathy isn't the right word. I thought I was apathetic when we first started, but it turns out I actually do have expectations about my wedding, and it also turns out while a 'western' wedding is popular in Japan, there is very little 'western' about it. It's been a hell of a time trying to accommodate some of the things I want to do in our wedding, things that are some of the most basic elements of a wedding in America. For instance, not seeing the bride on the wedding day, or at least not immediately before the ceremony. And entering the wedding hall/walking down the aisle at different times. These are things that they don't generally consider here, in the Japanese version of an American wedding. The people we are working have been willing to try and incorporate my desires, but it's not been easy. This is Japan afterall, a country where deviating from the script is not an option, even if it's a possibility.

My frustration/dissatisfaction with and acceptance of this whole process ebbs and flows. Right now the acceptance side is winning out, as long as I don't think about it too much. Numerous people have told me to relax, that this is supposed to be fun. I'm trying to adopt that mindset even if I don't quite agree with it. There's no point in stressing too much about the inevitable. That said, once I have a bit of hindsight between myself and this wedding, I may proceed with my dissertation on all of the peculiar (read: retarded) aspects of this wonderful process.

I've noticed some things about myself amidst all of this stress. On the negative side, I realize that I am having a hard time letting things go. I find myself, while no longer riled by them, still thinking about things that pissed me off two or three weeks ago. It could be that these events have a greater significance than I realize, but it sure feels like I'm just dwelling on them for no good reason.

On the slightly positive side, I feel like I'm turning a corner in my life where I'm about to start speaking my mind more, especially when it comes to dealing with rude, ignorant, or otherwise disagreeable people. I've always avoided conflict because most spats are over petty things, and I'm not so sure of myself that I'm willing to insist my point of view is any better or more right than anyone else's. In fact I despise people that are so shortsighted. But right now I don't have the energy, time, or patience to be overly diplomatic, or even moderately diplomatic, if someone doesn't show me the same respect I show them. I still think avoiding conflict is the way to go, but my fuse is slowly getting shorter.

I'm finding that, rather than having the normal ups and downs of stress and irritation, I'm living in a constant, low level pissed-off state. The things that I've always been able to brush aside as mere annoyances, like the fact that we live in a ghetto full of noise (!), have begun to really bother me. Needless to say, I'm hoping after the wedding blows over and things settle down, I will too. In the meantime, I'm plugging away trying to keep a grip on my sanity and not take myself too seriously. That's important.

It was inevitable, once I'd heard the first hint of a sniffle among my students last week, and they, given their abysmal level of hygiene, promptly passed the disease to each other, and finally to me. I woke up Thursday with the telltale throat scratch, which by the end of the day had progressed to the full on lethargy that says 'Boy, you're gonna get sick!!' I had moderate success in heading this thing off at the pass. It's just a cold, but I'm taking it easy this weekend to make sure it doesn't blossom into anything more. Chieko and I rolled the dice with our wedding date. We have just a narrow window of time off from school in November in which we are doing the wedding, and we need to split for Tokyo as soon as possible once our classes end and we get our grades filed. If either of us miss any classes and have to do make up days, we are a bit screwed. Hence, I'm chilling out, mildly sedated by cold medicine, finally catching up on my blog. Just as well since it's dumping rain and wind outside.

I did get up bright and early this morning to take a ride down to the beach. There was a heavy surf warning and it'd been a bit stormy over night, so I was looking forward to some good photo conditions. I've had to sacrifice both my photography and guitar playing time the last couple of weeks, so I was happy to get out to the beach. The waves and clouds did not disappoint. Now I'm going to dust off the Gibson.

A few sports notes before I go. The Patriots are insane. The Celtics appear to be moderately insane. And the Red Sox, as usual, are making me insane. I'm looking forward getting up in the morning and watching game six. Hopefully I'll be preoccupied at work on Monday morning with how game seven is going.

I'm sure I could keep rambling away here (the cold medicine is peaking at the moment :-) but I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Enjoy the weekend.